you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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