U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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