I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
