the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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