Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize