the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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Are we still banned from the library?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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