I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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