There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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