when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
