Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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