Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
