So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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