Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
