Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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