My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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