So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize