i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
accomplished twins. life is a go
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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