6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
