my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
