I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
