she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
