There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
