Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
