it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
