I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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