I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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