So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
