a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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