Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
