My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
