"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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