it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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