Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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