dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
