How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
