Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
BRING THE BAGELS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
