I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
