Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
