I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
