i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
