Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
