Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he shaved USA in his pubs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
