Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
