Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
