your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this just has baby written all over it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
