it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
