Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
