Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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