ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
