hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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