I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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