Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
