wrigley field is MILF paradise
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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