Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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