Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
