even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
