Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
