I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
