She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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