I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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