I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
