apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreskin is a definite game changer
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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