Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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