I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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