All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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