I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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