Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
