my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
