Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
